“Can you imagine if [Palin] was president right now? They hacked into her email account. She couldn’t even keep that safe. Somebody hacked into her Yahoo! email account. They don’t know who did it. They know it’s someone who understood technology and was interested in her background. So we can rule out McCain.” –Bill Maher

"This week, true story, someone was able to hack into Sarah Palin's Yahoo! email account because she hadn't taken the proper security measures. Yeah. So, folks, it's official. No one in the Palin family uses protection. This is a problem. It starts with mom." --Conan O'Brien "Morgan Stanley today was looking for a merger partner on eHarmony. I'm telling you. You know these Sunni militias in Iraq that we're bribing not to shoot at us? Now they want to be paid in Euros." --Bill Maher "Oh, and [Bush] is pissed about the trillion dollar thing. Usually, when he spends that kind of money on a country, he gets to bomb the shit out of it, too." --Bill Maher "Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11." --Jay Leno "To give you an idea how bad the American economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border. Stay on your side!" --Jay Leno